The Coastal Grandmother Explores Options for Aging in Place.

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It seems like every conversation I have these days involves talk about what comes next for us seniors. What happens when we can no longer drive? What happens if we have a fall and cannot stay alone? How do we manage the maintenance and upkeep on our homes? What happens if we just want to stay where we are and not be a burden to anyone?

I faced this delimma just last year. No significant event lead up to it. My son had been talking about me moving to Tennessee, and at first, it was mostly joking. Everyone knew how close my daughter and I are, and it seemed unthinkable that I would ever move away from her. I had close ties to my church, my friends, and my community, not to even mention my doctors. Why in the world would I even consider making a change.

I think what brought it home to me was when a friend had a fall and could not drive for an extended period of time. The hospital would not release her to go home alone. She did not have relatives in the area so she had to rely on friends for everything. Friends are truly a blessing, and good friends are willing to pitch in and help during an emergency, however, when it involves weeks and months, it becomes untenable.

I said to my daughter, “what would I do if I stepped off a curb, broke my ankle and couldn’t drive?” She said, gosh, mom, what would we do. I would want to drive you wherever you needed to go, but I have to run the school (we own a preschool). Not only that, but she has a husband and young adult children still living at home. They all have jobs and little free time. A few days later she called and said, “mom, I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe you should move to Tennessee”. Buck is retired, and he is lonely since his wife died. You would be company for each other, and it would be selfish of me to want to keep you here.

Loneliness

In a Harvard study on Adult Development, Robert Waldinger, Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says, “loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism”.

George Valliant, Psychiatrist, says, when the study began, nobody cared about empathy or attachment, but the key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships”.

The last thing I wanted was to live with one of my kids, so I had to consider what would make this move to Tennessee a “win win”. My son has five acres, so he had mentioned putting a house for me on the back of the property. Since he is remodeling his house and the lake house, he did not have time to build a house for me. When he first moved to Tennessee, he had considered a modular home for himself, so we looked into that. I could buy a three bedroom, two bath modular home for what I would sell my condo for. This arrangement would give me my own space, and he would have his own space. It would add to the value of his property and give him passive income when I no longer need it. He could rent it as an airbnb, regular rental, or subdivide it and sell it. I think this is one reason the “granny pods” are becoming so popular, They don’t take up much room, and they give both parties their own space.

Granny pod

There are certainly other options for aging in place. A number of my friends are looking into retirement communities with continuing care options. It just seems like a good idea to start the conversation and start exploring the possibilities if you are a senior who is starting to experience some of the issues related to aging.

What I can tell you is that I am so happy to have made the decision to move when I could still manage it myself. I’m also grateful that we made this decision as a family. Before I left Virginia, I had started having an issue with high blood pressure, which I had never had before. Since moving to Tennessee, my blood pressure has returned to normal, if not low. Within a month, I have found two groups to play bridge with, a wonderful church I love and a great doctor. As most of you know, I am high energy, and love projects that keep me busy and challenged. The only problem here is choosing which project to do first! My point being, don’t ever think you are too old to make a change. I feel younger and more energetic than I have in a long time!