The Coastal Grandmother Navigates a New Relationship

Mike and me at my grandson’s wedding

Okay, so I am in this new relationship right? You would think by eighty, you would know how to get it right. Wrong! Relationships are hard! They take work (at any age). We had been going along pretty smoothly. We are compatible in most areas, but a few things started to pop up that we were not in total agreement on.

So, first of all, I am a “Winter”, he is a “Spring”. What does that mean? It means that I am intense, serious, organized and a long range planner. He, on the other hand, is carefree, fly by the seat of your pants and spur of the moment! Now, I ask you folks, does this relationship stand a chance? Of course! Here’s why; you have to learn how to appreciate each other’s mode of operation ie how each of you gives and receives love. Viola!

When I was visiting my son in Tennessee in May, this topic of relationships came up. He asked me if I was aware of “The Five Love Languages”, a book on how you give and receive love. Nope, never heard of it. He told me he and his wife had read the book and taken the assessment online. Her primary love language was entirely different than his. Imagine that!

I was fascinated and couldn’t wait to get my hands on the book. I got two in the mail within a few days, one for me, and one for Mike.

I was not sure how Mike would react to the book, but I gave him his copy and started reading mine that day. Mike called me the next day, and said, “how far have you gotten in the book?”. We discussed it at length at the end of each day. Finally, we both went online and took the assessment. Our primary love language was, of course, entirely different. There was an offer online to get an in-depth assessment for $39.00. Mike was the first one to say, “I’m going to pay the $39 and get the full assessment! We both followed through, got the full assessment and printed it out. He gave me a copy of his, and I gave him a copy of mine.

It is still a “work in progress”, but we both said, “I wish I had known about this book when I was married all those years”. It was so enlightening to look back and see where some of the problem areas were because we had different love languages. I think it would definitely help anyone who is any kind of relationship to not only read this book, but to get the full assessment, study what your own love languages are and in what order, and then study what your partner’s love languages are and in what order. Believe me, it’s a game changer!

What is your love language?

My first love language is “acts of service”. What that means is, I feel most loved when someone does something for me, just naturally, without being asked! Mike is a “natural” at this. He is a “Spring”, as I have mentioned before, so he loves doing things for people that make them feel good. I could give you lots of examples, but the most recent one is that when he picked me up at the airport, when I got in from Tennessee, he had brought a jacket for me in the car. The temperature had dropped dramatically from the 80’s to the 50’s. I had only taken light weight clothes. Mega points for Mike!

Mike’s first love language is “physical touch”. That can certainly mean many things (as the in-depth assessment explains). What that means for him is that he feels most loved when I take his hand in the movies or just touch his shoulder when I pass by him and other people are present. In other words, it can just be a small show of affection that does not involve passion. That works for me since this is a fairly new relationship, and we are still navigating our feelings.

As I mentioned in the beginning, “relationships take work”! That saying is so true, but as human beings, we are created to be in relationships with other people. We are not meant to do life alone. It doesn’t have to mean romantic relationships, these principles can apply to any relationship. My daughter’s first love language is “words of affirmation”, so a compliment goes a long way with her.

So, now that Mike and I have all this valuable information about each other, are we actually applying it to our relationship? Well, both Mike and my secondary love language is “Quality Time”. We have made it a priority to have a “date night” on Friday night. We might see each other during the week, but we know for sure, we will have Friday night just for the two of us. It might be something as simple as dinner at home and watching a movie.

For my part, I know that Mike’s primary love language is physical touch so he likes putting his arm around me or holding my hand while watching a movie. My condo was set up primarily with just me in mind. Since my television is over the fireplace, my arm chair and ottoman were the only furniture facing the tv (not conducive to hand holding etc.). Last week, I went out and bought a love seat, rearranged my furniture, and now, we can both sit together to watch a movie. See how this works!!

I find all this fascinating, as I do most information on human behavior. As my son said, the “Five Love Languages” may not be the “be all, end all” to relationships, but it certainly is a valuable tool in helping you to have a successful relationship!

As I said in the beginning, relationships are hard and they take time! Between this new relationship, remodeling the beach house, and my grandson’s wedding (I did all the flowers), I have not had much time to devote to my blog. The beach house is finished, and the wedding was this past Saturday, so things should settle down considerably! I look forward to getting back to bringing you some fashion news and “summer fun tips”!

Completed sunroom at the beach house (early morning dew on windows)